Eurovision 2011.

Posted in Eurovision by Tony C on May 16, 2011

imageOnce again the Continent comes together in a mash up of Euro pop musical clones, obscure cultural references and the downright camp.  And that’s just the presenters.  One of them is apparently a comedian but you’d never guess.  The venue was hugely impressive and the Germans must have bankrupted the city of Dusseldorf to convert it from a football venue to one filled with cheering, flag waving Eurovision fans.  Don’t worry they took the grass up.  Here’s how the runners and riders fared.

Finland Low rent Bruno Mars/Olly Murs rip off if you can possibly imagine such a thing with added eco nonsense. Lyrics thin hence the title “Da da dam”.  Going first is a tough. Poor lad.  A well deserved 21st.
Bosnia and Herzegovina Dull and musically pointless made all the more bizarre by the pseudo ‘street’ trumpet player. The lead singer was strumming away on a nice Gretsch though; faux strumming mind as the piano player proved Eurovision is live singing against a backing track.  How this got 6th is a puzzle that will vex Eurovision watchers for years to come.
Denmark Speaking of singing the Danes were the first who didn’t sound flat although going for a black leather meets McFly clone lacked originality.   Nod to Jedward with the hair.  5th was probably about right.
Lithuania This Andrew Lloyd-Webber inspired number, they must have seen his effort a few years ago and mistakenly thought ‘Yeah’, included dry ice and a white piano.  It was as average as the 19th place suggests. 
Hungary The Vizslas were disappointed by the tall blonde in a blue dress that must have been sewed together about tens minutes before going on stage.  The dress not her.  She’d been listening to Celine Dion to be sure but the dancers at the back must have wandered in from next door.  22nd was maybe a little harsh but not much.
Ireland All the energy, daft shoulder pads and dafter hair can’t hid the fact Jedward are poor even by Eurovision standards.  We for some reason I can’t fathom gave them 12 points.  And no they can’t sing either.  An overly generous 8th.
Sweden Even Justin Bieber won’t be threatened by this.  Staging included a glass box which many must have hope included a hidden gas dispenser.  Maybe the singer was a fan of David Copperfield.  3rd was very, very flattering.
Estonia Another copy cat, this time Katy Perry.  Really not sure what the London Eye was doing in the staging.  By Eurovision historical standards a solid effort but oddly ignored by the voters and stuck at 24th.
Greece Now the Greeks often go large but not his year as the entry reflected their struggling economy.  Confused and reliant on outside influences.  Rapper meets ballad, burger meets kebab.  Too generous by half at 7th .
Russia Unoriginal but entertaining nevertheless.  New Kids on the Block are obviously still popular in ex communist countries.  Leather jackets and an electrocution from the embroidered LEDs avoided.  Mid table 16th
France No idea why this was the favourite as opera probably isn’t a big Eurovision staple.  He had a great voice but there’s a time an a place and this wasn’t it.  The voters of Europe thought so too.  15th.
Italy More French than Italian in a jazz sort of way.  One of the evenings better offerings by some way and probably deserved 2nd.
Switzerland Didn’t really work Eurovision wise although but the standards of the rest evening not that bad.  Run out of lyrics like the Finns.  It’s an upside down competition when this kind of effort only gets 25th.
United Kingdom "I Can"…sorry lads you can’t but not as bad as you might think.  Any other country offering up Blue would have done better and after we gave the Irish 12 points reciprocation was the least we could expect.  Alas not.  11th was better than many expected history being what it is.
Moldova Now we’re talking Eurovision.  Pointy hats, bouncy tune and a women on a unicycle.  A dash of the Chillies and the B52s.  Just for the hats alone they should have done better than 12th.
Germany Last years winners tries for a double.  The locals obviously love Lena but this attempt at musical sophistication was somewhat diluted by the dancers in silver wet suits.  Woody Allen is suing I’m sure.  Not bad so 10th.
Romania They could sing and a few people in the audience were undoubtedly tapping their feet.  Included Mel and Kim tribute dancers with trumpets.  Not half bad by Eurovision standards.  A puzzling 17th.
Austria An attempt at a power ballad that was rather weak.  Jessie J haircut and shoes.  18th looks about right.
Azerbaijan He can (on occasion) but she definitely can’t.  Flat, insipid and generally awful.  Proof as to why Eurovision still confuses the British even thought one of them lives here.  If the 6th placed Bosnians is a head scratcher this will take someone with the conundrum solving skills of Fermat’s Last Theorem to tell us why this was 1st. Even flatter when they had to sing again.
Slovenia The best of the night from the demi Zena clad singer.  Even the backing singers have some vocal chops.  Superior in every way to the Azerbaijan effort but seems no one apart from me and the rest of the Balkans agreed.  13th was just wrong.
Iceland A weird pub band, Take That, Mumford and Sons experiment that sort of worked.  A travesty that it only managed 20th.
Spain The usual typical Spanish offering.  Bubbly Iberian pop.  Criminally ignored at 23rd.
Ukraine The sand painting distracted from what was a passable Euro ballad.  Not sure what the feather shoulder pads was about but at least she could sing but not sure it deserved 4th however.
Serbia A surprisingly good retro 60’s inspired number right down to the haircuts and costumes.  Not I wager particularly Serbian but certainly one of the better acts.  A mid table 14th was a shame.
Georgia Only country that decided to throw in some metal inspired riffage.  A sort of Goth meets cartoon costume designer oddity that allowed the guitarists to cut some axe based shapes which made them look even sillier than normal.  Song and setup didn’t match.  Still it managed a flattering 9th.


As Eurovisions go this was rather a dull affair with only a few even attempting anything ‘avant garde’, thank you Moldova.  If say the Greeks or the Irish had won they’d have to go once again cap in hand to the IMF; it’s almost as if many countries sensing monetary oblivion didn’t want to win and instead opted for the austerity staging.  Azerbaijan might have to dig deep into the oil revenue to pay for 2012.

One Response

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  1. Darren said, on May 16, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Top-notch write-up young Woddy m’lad. Now, here’s where I disagree:

    – I found the Finland entry strangely intriguing, even if the guy did look like Jeff Brazier.
    – I like the Georgian entry, the Evanescence tribute band… days later it’s the only song I can really remember
    – Jedward were actually quite good, although the backing singers’ volume was higher than the twins (for obvious reasons)

    Where I agree:

    – I did like the lass from Slovenia (say no more)
    – The Iceland entry was very catchy and deserved far better

    Although there was a lot of predictable neighbourly voting (especially from the former Yugoslavians who 15 years ago were all killing each other) I don’t think that affected the result. But it should work like this… after 25 songs if you’re gonna win it’s got to be memorable so that people pick up the phone and vote for that one rather than the 24 others. But Azerbaijan’s entry wasn’t – there was nothing to set it apart. Is Eurovision becoming too aloof? There was a time when Moldova would have won. I certainly think we need gnome hats and a fairy on a unicycle next year. I wonder if Coldplay or Radiohead would be up for that.

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