Eurovision 2008 – Love thy neighbour
Another evening dominated by block voting and proof if any was needed that we have little in common musically with the rest of the Europe…well the one’s who bother to turn up for Eurovision. Sir Terry of Wogan was his usual brilliant self but if he stops presenting the event, as he hinted, it’ll be time for UK to bail as well.
The hosts, Jovana Janković and Željko Joksimović, were the typical cookie cutter duo but despite the faux flirting and look-we’re-mates really act her nasal drone was like finger nails down a blackboard. <shudders>
So here his my annual run down of the runners and riders, sadly it was all a bit predictable.
Romania – 45 Points – 20th
Going first is always tough. Bloke on Steinway with his balladeering chum which suddenly added a Celine Dion wannabe, he sang…rather well actually, she just screeched and what what the backing singers for?
Great Britain – 14 Points – 25th
Andy Abraham came second in Pop Idol and put in a high energy performance, the lad can sing too. The best entry we’ve had in ages. If there was any justice he’d be in the top three. If he’d been born in the Balkans he’d have won.
Albania – 55 Points – 17th
Belly button and wind machines. Forgettable ballad based fodder.
German – 14 Points – 23th
Teutonic babes…apparently. One of them, it might have been more was a tad flat, actually all of them were . Short skirts and big hair don’t make up for this wall of howling Germanic nonsense. Proof Germans do have a sense of humour…then again maybe not.
Armenia – 199 Points – 4th
Good old nose flutes, smoke, and as Terry mentioned gyrating ‘eejits’. What on earth were they for? Catchy tune and the singer a bit of a hunny, a transparent attempt to curry favour with Dads of eastern Europe. It worked too.
Bosnia Herzegovina – 110 Points – 10th
Song title mean ‘experimental’…they weren’t kidding. Brides of Frankenstein met Andy Pandy and Lubi Loo. Weird but the block vote helped. Song not as bad as the act would suggest.
Israel – 124 Points – 9th
Terry reckons their best entry for some time. No pyro, no daft dancers, just some Boyzone backing singers…I take the daft dancing comment back. Great voice.
Finland – 35 Points – 22nd
More Gothic Rock…hey of it worked once. I didn’t know Orlando Bloom played bass. Maybe next year the Finns will go the whole hog and give us some Death Metal.
Croatia – 44 Points – 21st
Men in hats or Goodfellas do Eurovision. Cavorting lady in red dress, the old boy in the white seemed to forget where he was and shouted a lot. If they were to do a live action version of the Muppets the search for Statler and Waldorf is over.
Poland – 14 Points – 24th
Terry called her a winsome lovely, I’m not so sure. Lots of sunbed action…all teeth and tits. And what a set of teeth they were. She moved like she starred in Mars Attacks, if you saw it you’d understand. Mrs C called her the ‘ack ‘ack lady. She can sing but this was the wrong song.
Iceland – 64 Points – 14th
Euro pop fodder. So cliche and formulaic it hurt and as about Icelandic as tropical fruit cocktails. Straight to remix disco heaven. The country has no trees you know.
Turkey – 138 Points – 7th
Someone in Constantinople has been listening to the Indy Brit Rock. Oh sweet irony. Not seen the Turks rock before. Bass player liked to punch the air a bit too much, which make me wonder if he was actually playing. I liked this as it happens.
Portugal – 69 Points – 13th
There’s a phrase about things not being over and it suited this lady quite well. Was that Ben Grimm on backing vocals? Good effort though.
Latvia – 83 Points – 12th
Pirates of the Caribbean meets Euro Pop. Just appalling. Who ever cooked up this rubbish should be made to walk the plank. The placing highlights all that is wrong with this competition.
Sweden – 47 Points – 18th
Odd looking blonde, lot’s of surgery me thinks. The backing singers looked better. Euro friendly pop number. She distracted from the song which was a pity.
Denmark – 60 Points – 15th
Catchy number, cockney barrow boy look. Good effort from the Danes who benefited from the Scandinavian block voting.
Georgia – 83 Points – 11th
Edward Sissorhands look. She sang ‘why?’ we asked the same question regards the daft dancers behind her. Not bad but a the song but maybe a bit down beat for Eurovision. Nifty colour change in the middle.
Ukraine – 230 Points – 2nd
Babe in revealing costume is always a winner. Kylie with a sun tan. She sings, she dances and has great legs. Another one for the ‘Dads’. So Eastern block friendly it was always going to be in the top five.
France – 47 Points – 19th
Golf cart and bearded backing singers. Did he get helium from the blow up globe at one point? Too Avant garde? Too French? If health and safety would have allowed I’m sure he’d have lit up a Gauloise.
Azerbaijan – 132 Points – 8th
Angel costumes. The Devil. Lot of unharmonious screeching. No clue what the hell it was about. 8th was more flattering than they ever deserved. We can justifiably shake our heads in resignation.
Greece – 213 Points – 3rd
Zorba meets Mariah. Cute too. The Greeks seem to stick to the tried and trusted formula of leggy babe shaking her stuff. Imagine my surprise when Cyprus gave them 12 points.
Spain – 55 Points – 16th
Ridiculous novelty number. Fisher Price look and silly wig made him look like a reject from Lazy Town. Utter tosh of the first order.
Serbia – 160 Points – 6th
Predicable big cheers for the home team. Touch of the Irish, not sure what was going on with the staging, not sure they did either oh and of course their was a hint of wind machine. Cookie cutter ballad.
Russia – 272 Points – 1st
Forgot his shoes. What was Michael Flatley on ice skates all about? Not the best song of the evening but won the vote from all those who were once part of the CCCP.
Norway – 182 Points – 5th
Suzanne Shaw look-a-like who can sing better. Bridget Jones does Eurovision. Good song, good voice too. Good outside bet and a Scandinavian block vote winner.
Musically this Eurovision was better than the previous ones, but it was all for nought when you look at the scores, the Balkan, Baltic and Scandinavian block vote saw to that, and you have to ask why we and the other western European countries contribute to an event which has turned into a love in between nations which not so long ago wanted nothing more than to shot, bomb and generally do each other a disservice. Why even bother with the singing and just go to the voting, bet you the outcome would be no different. The time has come to rethink taking part.
Oh and who were the &%$ were the ‘shouty’ cretins who reported from the so called Green Room…I hope some one told them that having microphones means you don’t have to shout.